My Trek

I miss my baby. It seems everyone is pregnant (and due in February).
I hope they recognize what a blessing they have. Though...perhaps you have to experience love and loss to see the miracle you hold. I just have to remember that Heavenly Father knows what I need to get back to Him. For reasons I do not understand, this is part of the path I must take. I'm lucky to have Mike. He has held my hand through the last (almost two weeks now)...he's sat on the floor with me for a long night in the bathroom, taken a sunday run to the pharmacy for antibiotics, made sure I kept up with my pain medicine, and gave me all the hugs and kisses I've needed along the way. It's while he is wiping away my tears that I think, he lost a baby too. He is so strong and selfless. I can only hope that what little I've done for him has made him feel loved and cared for in return. He is always encouraging me to look on the bright side, to keep moving forward and that, if God will allow it, we'll be expecting again soon.
"Soon" is another test, a test of patience and trusting that things will happen in the Lord's time. Time is so trivial in the scheme of forever. I have an appt with my OBGYN on Thursday. I'm nervous to see what he has to say about my healing. I hope the news is good. For me this experience is both a test of my faith and a builder of my faith. I'm taking it a day at a time. I can't help but wonder if I'll get my turn to be a mom. That is probably the core of my struggle. I know that doubt and faith cannot exist together for one will dispel the other. I have to be strong enough to lean toward faith and have to remember that, though this is my personal trek, and it is difficult for me, others have overcome far more.

Joseph Smith for example received these words from the Lord at Liberty Jail...
7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
8 The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?
9 Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.